homeofthebudds

"...nudging the human race one millimeter farther along its path back to God."

Every year Imago (our church) has an "Arts Retreat". It's a weekend at a little conference center with silly excuses for beds, beautiful views and the most amazing food ever. No lie. The first meal I ate there included beets. Beets. And I tried to ask for seconds. After eating beets. Well, I wanted to ask for seconds, but that's obviously not proper behavior at a fancy restaurant that can make things like beets delicious.

That was a couple years ago. I went hoping it would bring me some clarity on this weird concept of the artistic life that I was becoming interested in. I really liked doing arty things, but it felt a little selfish to me. A little like I was spending my time frivoslously - shouldn't I be doing some laundry or making dinner or having a menaingful discussion with one of the kidlets or buying someone some new socks with that money I just spent on paintbrushes?

I don't mean to come off like all my thoughts were pure and others motivated. I've spent plenty of money on things I, and only I wanted. Have you seen my fabric stash? But for the first time I was thinking about creating a job, a career from one of these artistic pursuits. And that required spending real money. More than my weekly allowance combined with Joann's coupons could provide. And so I started wondering if this whole Art thing was really valid. So I signed up for the retreat.

I was not disappointed. Every one of the artist's giving their lectures, or sharing their work and thoughts addressed my concerns and brought me clarity and purpose. It was, truly, amazing. 

Last year I didn't even think about going cause I had a three month old infant. This year I picked up the information about it from the church lobby and realized that we had homework assigned before the reatreat. We were to address the questions of the artist's role in the church and the community through our medium.

Uggh. I hate homework. I'd love to see what everyone else comes up with. I'd love to hear what they think, but I don't want to have to come up with something. On my own?!? Ugh. 

For various other noble reasons I decided this was not a good year for me to go.

And then, yesterday while reading The War of Art (Steven Pressfield) I came upon this:

 

Are you a born writer? Were you put on earth to be a painter, a scientist, an apostle of peace? In the end the question can only be answered by action.

Do it or don't do it.

It may help to think of it this way. If you were meant to cure cancer or write a symphony or crack cold fusion and you don't do it, you not only hurt yourself, even destroy yourself. You hurt your children. You hurt me. You hurt the planet.

You shame the angels who watch over you and you spite the Almighty, who created you and only you with your unique gifts, for the sole purpose of nudging the human race one millimeter farther along its path back to God.

Creative work is not a selfish act or a bid for attention on the part of the actor. It's a gift to the world and every being in it. Don't cheat us of your contribution. Give us what you've got.

 

I read that and I thought "Ah! There it is. That's it." I'm still not going on the retreat this year (seriously, I have good and noble reasons) but if I were I'd start working out of this quote. I have no idea what I'd do, but whatever it was, these words would be cycling through my brain, on repeat until there was something to show that had become right.

 

The way things are

*I've been staying up too late and getting up too early. This afternoon, I was trying to get Brennan to want to fall asleep. He was resisting so I thought maybe a game of pillow & blanket would help. You know where someone is the pillow or the blanket? Brennan was being my blanket laying on my back and I closed my eyes, opened them and discovered that he was off playing in another room and I'd fallen asleep for a few minutes. Oops.

*I have lots of ideas and thoughts floating in my head. I'm unsure about them. Not unsure because they are there, but unsure which way to go with them. Some of them, okay most..well, really all, are rather significant. Sorry to be vague, but that's the way things are right now. :)

*I've finished three of the books off that shelf in the last post - the rest I haven't touched yet. But they're calling to me, a little louder every day.

*I just found Brennan giving my aloe plant a hair cut.

*I cleaned & straightened up my fabric stash. It's rather amazing neat and tidy.

*I also bought some fabric. For shame, I know.

*That just means I better get busy sewing to lighten up the stash even more. If only I could decide what to make.

A little quiet

So I've been on a sort of vacation.

Don't know if I've mentioned that. :)

Every once in a while I get this feeling that I should feel...lazy or guilty about not committing to things or ...something. Not that I do feel guilty, but that maybe I should.

But I don't. 

I know I've mentioned a time or two that I'm pretty introverted. I love just puttering around at home, experimenting with food, sewing things up, blogging, crafting, reading...homebody activities. I like being alone. Or at least just being with family. I don't want constant interaction with folks. Granted I love, absolutely love, to get out of the house too. There's not much better than starting the morning with a good walk. Or meeting up with friends somewhere. Or going to the grocery store without being in a rush.

************

Little side note: something dawned on me the other day. For a long time I've been perplexed about random strangers either avoiding us in stores, libraries - public places or else giving us the hugest "Aren't kids just the best" smiles. I couldn't figure out why it went one way or another. At first I thought it was about the number of kids I had with me - when they were all there those kinds of looks rarely happened. When it was just one we got them constantly.

And then, I realized it was all about me. If I was relaxed, calm, enjoying the kiddos doing kid like things people thought we were the cutest thing around. If I got irritated by children continously spinning in the Costco aisles ("They're the best dancing floors!") after I'd constantly warned them about getting in people's way we got a lot of people looking away and even being slightly irritated with us. Frankly, I assumed they were irritated with the kids. But turns out it's possible all these random folks were irritated with me being annoyed. 

******

Anyway.

I was saying. Something about vacation and guilt.

Ah yes, slowing down. Slowing way down.

I'm discovering I'm best when things are slow and casual. I'm nicer, I'm creative, I'm more thoughtful & reflective. It's good for me to live a slow life.

I've been rather amazed with the amount of 'creative' work I've turned out over the last few weeks. I'm gonna show some of it in the next couple days, but really that's just a portion of what's been flying through the sewing machine.

Dave and I were talking about something the other night which ended up making me feel like I should speed things up and get some things taken care of. Whatever we were talking about didn't actually mean that, but that was the emotion I had for a couple hours. I was sad about that because I knew I'd end up quitting all the making. It just wouldn't happen.

And so I decided not to speed up. It wasn't worth it.

And then, in my reader last night was a post by Chase Jarvis.

It's here.

That sentence at the end jumped out at me and somehow validated everything I've been thinking.

"I’d be more creative if I more regularly created the quietness in my life that creativity requires."

!!!!!!!

Somehow I thought it was just me that needed slowness and quiet. Almost a defect in me that I was coming to terms with.

But! No! Quietness is totally necessary for creativity!! I can't even begin to tell you how happy that makes me.

Confessions

My name is Sarah and I'm addicted. To the internet. Pretty much a lot.

I follow 165 blogs. And by follow I mean read every word. They're like my daily newspaper.

I'm on twitter. I have three email accounts, each with a different purpose and therefore different contacts. Actually I have five, but two are spam catchers.

I'm on facebook. I think in status updates as I'm sure most other facebook users do. I play bejeweled. A lot. 

I read everything I can get my hands on concerning photography. And I watch all the movies I can about it. And read everyone's blog and tutorials.

It's not so very much, perhaps. (or maybe it is) But I have this pattern of checking email, reading, updating facebook, reading twitter, reading blogs, checking email, checking facebook, playing bejeweled while keeping another email window open, checking twitter, checking email, bleh.

I was thinking that's a lame way to spend the day. There are so many other things I'd rather do. I made myself a list of all the things I'd rather do than waste my time doing nothing online. Wanna see?

*sew

*can (figure out how to can and preserve things)

*garden

*draw

*write

*figure out more raw foods

*paint

*craft

*take pictures

*read

*talk

*camp

*knit

*crochet

*clean

*volunteer

*learn to play guitar

*learn to play piano

I could go on for a while.

So. I entertained the idea of canceling our internet connection. Kinda drastic. But you know where my self control lives? At the store. It is not in our house. I have no problem not buying something, but if that something stares at me all day long in my house my self control goes for a walk. A long, rambling, never to return sort of walk.

So it seems like it'd be easiest for me to just unplug it all. I checked and some of our local libraries offer free wi-fi. We go to the library a lot. A LOT. The kids could easily entertain themselves for an hour while I catch up on email and put up a couple blog posts.

But Dave's not such a fan of a complete disconnect.

So for now, my self control and I are becoming very good friends. I've given myself some rules to work with. I only use the computer standing up. It really decreases browsing time. I don't update my facebook status. Well periodically. Like once a day - or every other day. I'm only reading the blogs of people I'm really really really interested in. Other than that I stay off the internet. I'm hoping to eventually ween myself down further.

This does not mean I won't eventually blog or update or communicate. I plan to make good use of the pre-scheduled posting feature in Typepad. And someday I may not respond to your email two minutes after you sent it. But I have a feeling that's gonna be okay.

It's kinda funny how much more we're doing already. I've been drawing a ton. The laundry's done. The bathroom's clean. Mostly. There's food in the dehydrator. Tons of thoroughly read books have been returned to the library and new ones checked out, read and returned.

I like it.

the haps

Things have been a little hectic around here lately. At least in my brain.

*We've been going to our homeschool co-op every week. The kids totally dig it. Even Brennan is constantly asking if its time to go. My job there is to teach an arty-crafty class for the preschool aged kids. It's...interesting. Mostly it's interesting to try to come up with something fun to do that's simple enough for everyone in the class to get and complex enough that it holds their attention for more than five minutes. Last week it was the paper bag kites. Yep, I totally had twenty kids make a project that I knew wouldn't really work. I figured the running around part was the fun of it anyway. And it was. After they got them all beautifully decorated we took the twenty 2-5 year olds outside and let them run around a grassy field trying to get the kites up in the air. I have some fun pictures. But, probably shouldn't post them here. You can imagine.

*I'm starting up my photography business. I mentioned that. Ordering more business cards, getting a website going, getting things hung and getting a website going. That's a big deal. At least for me. I've finally realized (again) that it would be so much better to give that to someone who loves it and let me focus on doing the parts I love. Once I gave myself the permission to not do it myself, I began to get super excited again. I didn't realize how much that whole thing was weighing me down. So now I'm just working on the text and layout for it. So much better than trying to get just the right size for this image here and why in the world won't the text be the font I want it to be and seriously? Those instructions are in english? So. I'm pumped to be taking pictures again. Hey, anyone wanna help me proof it and offer your advice about the way things sound?

*I'm coordinating Imago's DIY Event this year. Well, me and several other awesomely wonderful ladies. I'm the point person. This involves a lot of...stuff. A lot of setting up a vision, writing up emails, coordinating things, getting people on board, writing things for websites, getting it publicized, finding people to participate and finding people to participate. Do you wanna participate?

*Wow. That last one was a lot shorter than I thought it was going to be.

*Teaching the kids. This tends to happen in the first hour (or two) of the day. And then they're done. I planned to slow things down a bit this year - they're wicked ahead of their grade levels already and it seemed a good idea to incorporate more "Go find a fun project to do and go for it" time. Now that the school room is finally cleaned out (hello desk! hello floor and walls!) they're totally going for it. It's pretty sweet.

*Basketball season has begun. Which means Dave is deep into Blazerland. He's been to a couple preseason games already and we've got one coming up that all of us get to go to thanks to the Summer Reading Program at the Library. The kids are so so excited and have been planning out what their signs are going to look like for the last several days.

*We've decided to crack down and stick to the budget we set for ourselves. I love the whole sticking to a budget thing. However we decided this last Saturday. When we had exactly $33 left in our food account and exactly six more days until it would get replenished. Woo! Doesn't that sound like fun? So we've had a lot of eggs (I am absolutely loving those chickens right now). And...peanut butter and jelly (so happy to have a freezer in the garage with jelly and bread in it.) And...pancakes (yay for wheat berries in the cupboard). And apples and bananas and things like that. We did end up going to the store yesterday and spending 12 of those 33 dollars to replenish the fruit supply. I was about to start looking up pumpkin recipes to start using those sugar pie pumpkins I've got growing in the front yard, but it's already Thursday! And that means tomorrow is shopping day. I really hope there's no huge snow storm or earthquake or something that keeps us housebound in the next 24 hours. I can only think of so many things to do with pumpkins...

*You might have noticed some of those things I mentioned up there aren't raw. Yeah. I've kinda fallen off the wagon. This might have something to do with the fact that it's cold. And the heater wasn't working. And that did not make me want a smoothie. At all. Not that that's all you can eat when you're raw, but it was definitely one of my main staples. But! Dave has fixed the heater and we had our first smoothie of the fall season for lunch today. I gotta start looking through some cracker recipes or something. 

More in my head (wow. twice in two days.)

The concert was fun. It was Al Green at Edgefield (think Hollywood Bowl). We had wristbands that got is into a little place that was serving dinner and drinks and had actual chairs. This entertaining clients thing is working out well. I ended up wearing boots so the toenail painting was for naught.

A little piece of advice if you ever find yourself at a concert at Edgefield. Either leave before the event is over, or hang out and enjoy the conversation for an hour or so afterward. Attempting to drive out of the parking lot is highly ineffective. Trust me.

This morning I'm experimenting with a flash on the camera. I figured I should know what it does before I show up at the wedding tonight. :) (Just so you're not worried - I'm by no means the principle photographer. I'm not even an official helper. I'm just along for the learning experience.) And that lens I rented yesterday - its an 80-400mm - and its heavy. The one I really want is even heavier. I'm gonna need to start lifting some weights.

Another installment of "In my head"

I'm going out tonight - actually Dave and I both are. The contacts are in, the toenails are painted. Now I just need to find something to wear...

Entertaining clients season has started up again and I gotta say I'm kinda looking forward to it this year.

:)

We went back to the camera store this morning. There is a lens, a sweet sweet lens, that I wanted to rent. But it was all booked up. So I brought home another one instead. A long with a few other little things. 

Tomorrow I get to tag along to another wedding. So looking forward to that.

Alright - time to look through the closet.

In which I read a book and learned something

This year I've been compiling a collection of quotes, bible verses and good sayings for the kids to choose from when they work on their writing. The idea being they practice forming letters and get some good ideas in them at the same time. I'm liking it. One of the quotations (sent to me by Anne I think) is from Maya Angelou. "All great achievements require time" she says.

And you know what, she's right.

Surprise!

That little quote is amazingly powerful for me. I tend to want to finish things. I want it to be quick. My mantra tends to be "Let's all just focus, have a little fun and get it done." But if it's not fun - lets just drop it.

I look at people that produce great things - whether they be crafty things nice enough to sell on etsy, or written things nice enough to be admired and passed around (or actually published!), or paintings or photographs or whatever it might be and tend to assume there is something different about these people that enables them to create whatever it is that they create. Some sort of passion or talent or giftedness. And while they certainly must have at least a little of those, I don't think that's all it is.

Last night, it rained. To me a rainy night is made for one thing. Snuggling on the couch with a book. And maybe a fire if you're lucky. And ice cream wouldn't hurt.

I haven't had a lot of these rainy experiences in recent years what with three little children running around. But last night it all came together. Not the fire. But the reading part. I grabbed up a relatively short (maybe 100 pages) biography on JRR Tolkien I'd found in the kid's section of the library earlier this week. I've got a couple other books in the works but this one was ideal because of its length. A short book is a readable book. (See? I want things done. Finished.)

Towards the end the author was describing the process of the Lord of the Rings story. And you know what? It wasn't quick. It was long. Tolkien started "work" on The Hobbit - creating stories to tell his children at bedtime in 1929. He told them stories and collected them into book form for several years. It was fun. He enjoyed it. And then, three-fourths of the way through the story he stopped. And didn't pick it up again until 1936 when an editor who had received word of the manuscript from a friend asked to publish it. With a little motivation, the story was finished within a couple of months.

After Tolkien had written The Hobbit he'd been done. He felt he'd said all he wanted to say about hobbits. But his publishers and fans felt differently. So after taking a while to be convinced, he finally took up the story again. And it took him 12 years. 12 years of starts and stops and abandoning it and picking it up again. Twelve years of work on something he wasn't even that interested in. Toward the end it had become such an undesirable task that Tolkien had to force himself to work on it.

That, my friends, is not what I pictured when I read The Lord Of the Rings. I pictured Mr. Tolkien sitting down and writing an epic. Maybe it took him a couple months. They are long, complicated stories after all. But certainly it was enjoyable, right? It's such a great series of books it had to be fun to write.

It wasn't. But Mr. Tolkien deemed it necessary (or rather his fans and publishers did) and so he toiled and worked and produced an amazing classic.

Personally, I don't have fans and publishers deeming my creative endeavors necessary. Yet. But that's not the point. The point is that good good things take a lot of time. They don't just occur one afternoon.